Gay Erotic Author: Remmy Duchene

Excerpt: Wait, My Love

By: Remmy Duchene

 

            But Braxton also knew that if he was going to make something of himself, he couldn’t stay in Gala. That was the part that threatened to send him to his knees.  Moaning he turned again to stare out at the moon and the trees while trying steady his mind.  He tried to be as into the sight as he was only moments before but no amount of wishing, forcing himself and hoping made it happen.  Feeling like a complete failure, Braxton hung his head.  Once again he was left to wallow in the self pity that threatened to completely overwhelm him; to drive him crazy. The silence of the night that was periodically was interrupted by laughter from inside, was killer.  It throbbed through his sanity like a migraine.

The door opened and Braxton didn’t have to turn around to see who it was.  No on else would know where he was but Justin knew him better than anyone.

            “Brax, you coming back?” Justin’s voice asked as his arms snaked around Braxton.  Braxton moaned when Justin’s hard body pressed in against his.  He rested his head backwards against Justin’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “It’s your party remember?”

            Braxton chuckled, “I know. I feel old – so old.”

“Maybe. But you’re like fine wine, Lover Boy. You get better with age.” Justin kissed the side of Braxton’s face. 

Braxton moaned, “I was just thinking.”
            “Good,” Justin kissed Braxton’s cheek. “Get all your thinking out now because tonight, I’ve got plans for this body of yours.”’

            Braxton froze and spun around to face his lover. He took Justin’s hands and inhaled deeply, “Justin, we need to talk.”

            The look that Justin gave him then broke Braxton’s heart as he tried to figure out an easy way to say what he was about to. Braxton tried thought about changing his mind, to hide his sadness within himself and not hurt Justin. But no matter how long he had thought about it he still couldn’t come up with a way that wouldn’t hurt Justin.  If he hid his feelings now, down the road it could materialize into hate; he would hate Justin and Justin would hate him.  Down the road he could blame Justin for his misery and he never wanted that to happen.  He let Justin’s hands go and stepped away.

            “Come on, Brax,” Justin pushed. “What’s going on?”

            Rubbing his eyes, he dumped the rest of his beer over the side of the rail and placed the bottle down on the floor of the balcony.  Licking his lips, Braxton Justin’s hand again and lead Justin to sit down.

            “There’s no easy way to put this,” he shook his head and met Justin’s eyes. “I don’t feel as if I am giving you everything I can. I mean, this is your house. Your car, your everything and all I do is help pay bills. I feel useless...”

            “But you’re not,” Justin yanked his hand from Braxton before gripping Braxton’s shoulders. “Not to me... You’re breaking up with me because of that?”

            Shaking his head, Braxton inhaled, “no. I’m not breaking up with you. I just need five years...”

            “What? I’m lost.”

            “I have this degree in forensics and I’ve let the years get by me and I’ve done nothing with it. I’ve always wanted to start my own business. I’ve got some money left from my inheritance so it won’t take much more to get things started.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing construction work.”

“Stop beating around the bush, Braxton.”

“Wait for me...for five years.”

            “No. I will not put my life on hold just so you can satisfy some little need to feel superior over me.” Justin stood up and started to walk away but Braxton grabbed his arm to stop him.

            “That’s not what I’m doing,” Braxton was desperate. “I love you more than anything in this world but all you do is work. All the time you’re gone and I am here just, twiddling my thumbs during the winters. I want to take you on vacation. I want to hold you and kiss you under the Eifel tower. I want to walk with on the beach in some exotic country and see you happy.  Justin, I want to wake up in a beautiful Villa in Greece and watch you sleep. I – I..... want you to be able to take time off work just so we could stay in bed all day.  But I can’t do that because I have nothing to do it with and I feel... ”

            “I don’t need all that to be happy! I thought you knew that...”

            “Are you happy then, Justin? Truly happy with where your life is, your life with me. Tell me the truth!”

            Silence tore between them and it felt as though forever had passed before any of them said anything.  It began raining slightly and Justin turned away from Braxton.  Braxton felt as though he had stabbed himself in the heart for the hurt that was in Justin’s eyes damn near killed him.

            “See? You can’t even admit that I don’t make you happy. That I don’t pull my weight as I should around here.”

            “Don’t you dare turn this back on me!” Justin snapped. “None of this is my fault! This, Braxton? This? Is all on you!”

            Silence. Except for the soft pitter-patter of rain on the roof above then and leaves around them. Braxton’s arms were pressed to his side, showing the uselessness that he felt.  He felt like a deadbeat because he did not know what to do to sooth the man he loved.

            “When are you leaving?” Justin asked. His voice sounded as though he hadn’t spoken in a while. It was hoarse, sad.

            “The sooner I leave the sooner I can come back.”

            “Don’t lie to me Brax,” Justin snapped. “We both know you’re not coming back. So when are you leaving.”

            Braxton stepped close to Justin and turned him around, “tomorrow. Are you saying you won’t wait? Trust in me, Justin. That’s all I’m asking.”

            “I did. Before, remember? I trusted in you to love me for the rest of my life and not hurt me. But you just ripped my heart out and you want me to wait here like some bloody moron while you go off to sleep with other men? How can I trust in you now?”